I've got 2 e-learning modules this sem. This and Health Psychology. Such inconvenience, really. Dislike the idea of e-learning. Tsk tsk.

I'm here for a reason. As in blogging.

I'm feeling kinda blue right now. My morning started pretty well but something lowered my mood.

And currently, as I'm typing someone's in the class playing real slow music. One that seems to suit my mood. Not suit, that's not the right way to say. Fact is... it brings my mood even more lower.

Today's module, the lesson was just briefing and whatnot. Logging in to accounts and such.

That, is the reason why to my current mood.

I came across an email address. I never knew it was in my lappy. I forgot the fact that he ever used my lappy. That email address... the "couple name" we used to have. 'Xz'. 858... 8th May 2008..?

It just makes me upset. Should I? Is it wrong for me to be upset over this? Why am I even upset?

That I know something so close to me, something that meant my life, is no more longer part of it...? That, when I thought it'd work out this time, it failed? That I'm disappointed in not only him but in me and the relationship between us because I had pinned so much hope on it that it'd really work out but in the end.... it failed?

Is that is? Is that why I'm feeling this upset?

I thought I was doing better? If I were doing well, is it normal to still feel upset?

This person has been on my mind of recent. Why?

I thought that maybe it's just part of PMS because I'm having my period. So, maybe it is? Time will tell?

There's these words that been wanting to come out of my mouth recently. I miss you... But everytime I'm about to say it to myself, I find myself questioning myself again.

Is it you that I miss? Am I sure if it's you that I miss? Or is it the memory? Or maybe it's the love and support and that temporary security that person used to give that I miss and not the person itself....?

Because the person is probably a different person now. And perhaps... there's that little fear in me. That, that if I were to miss the person, at the back of my head, that person doesn't even remember me. As I am probably just a distant memory.

I've built up walls within myself and from people around me for past few months. It's the reason why I'd stopped blogging.

But with holding everything in, it makes me more weaker. I forgot what it feels like to let go of my emotions and set them free as words. That relief it gives whenever I talk about my emotions... Like how I'm feeling right now.