Right now, all I think is that it's all fucked up. I am confused as fuck. I can't put my finger on the things I'm feeling and neither on my thoughts too.
Frustration. Why the hell am I feeling this when he definitely isn't reminded of anything?
What is this that I'm feeling?
Am I really denying from missing him? Do I actually, really, miss him? Or just the happy times, the companionship. Really, it's frustrating at the thought of it.
As days passed, it gets more and more disturbing. It? These feelings and thoughts. I really don't want to be the only one who hasn't move on. In terms of the both of us. I was doing fine, wasn't I? So what now this rubbish?
It's really difficult to forget him, hands down. What more I've shared most of my teenage years with him. But really, I'm tired.
I'm tired of being the only one hurting, reminiscing, frustrating... missing.
These negative emotions' are draining. If only there was a black hole to suck out all of these emotions.
But then, I sit back and think. Maybe it's just the things around me. May has been pretty tough on luck, finance, grades. Almost everything. Perhaps, it's really just the month. Furthermore, it's the month. The month that once I took note of as it was someone's, who was significant to me, "special day". I remember a year back, on that day itself, I found myself breaking down. Don't really know why. But perhaps, just an assumption, that I know that I'm no longer special in that person's life and that on a special day, I won't be able to spend it with him anymore.
Maybe, but it doesn't guarantee. Logic? But, may not be a fact. Idk.
Feeling much better as I type all these out. Find myself pretty calmed down already.
Maybe it's been a week or two since I took a breather. All those life issues like studies and whatnot have been catching up on me that I've been emotionally shaken.
Maybe that's what I am, usually. Once in a while I feel like I miss him or the times, perhaps part of the reason would be, emotionally shaken or challenged. And part of it is that... I just do. Idk, my brain thinks of these things on a spontaneous basis and suddenly they make sense to me. It's a habit, I think? Idk. It's probably no more longer making any sense to any of my readers, if there are, anymore. But it's okay as long as it does to me.
Please, May, be over. June's gonna be better. I've got intuition about that. Just like what I felt about May, it really turned out bad. 16 more days till the end of May! So, June's gonna be, in God's will, good. :) Otherwise, I'll make it good. :D
Shall update when I feel like updating. :)