Ramadhan's in a day away. And sadly, this year, just like two years ago, I can't welcome it due to a dreadful, irritating process which occurs to all healthy females every month. Hmm.

Anyway, I'm here for a reason, to express myself, of course.

So, I don't know what people think of me, I don't really need to know actually. So, some might know that I've been with a guy once and too many time. And as far as I have lived, throughout my 18 years of life, I think he's the guy I've loved the most so far.

Things didn't go well for the relationship with him. But as far as I know, I've nothing against him now. I've accepted the fact that things in life change. People move on, feelings fade away - as cliche it is, it is most definitely true.

I think he's my first love, and they say, it's difficult to forget your first love.

Sometimes, I may just say things 'cos sometimes, you just feel things, you know? Random emotions just occur to you. Sometimes, you feel like you miss the person. Sometimes, you feel mad at the person for some reasons (like, you could've have invested your feelings for someone else who could've give you as much, or, like how much hurt you felt whatsoever).

But that doesn't make you hate that person or whatsoever.

Idk what other people have in their minds. But all I know, that guy I used to love so dearly, I never regretted risking my feelings for him. Sure, it hurt so much. But the good times were worth the try and worth the pain.

I may say things sometimes but I may just be angry at the moment.

And, don't get me wrong. It's not that I still have feelings for him and want him back. Okay, maybe I still have some faint feelings for him. But I know I've moved on with my own life. And I'm more than sure he too is going on with his own life.

If I hadn't move on yet, or at all, I would be talking to him, I would be texting him. But I'm not. And even that particular night, I decided to stop answering/replying. Because I want to move on; I made this decision long before, when I decided to stop waiting for an answer from him. I may take a longer time to move on but that doesn't mean I wouldn't get there. I will, someday. It's just that I don't move on as fast as him. Simple as that.

I think people think that I'm still waiting on him and that I'm still clinging on to him. But they're wrong. For all I know, he may be having feelings for someone now and if that's true, then it's good for him. But I just wish people would understand that it doesn't mean that some people take a longer time to move on but that doesn't mean they are not moving on. That doesn't mean they are still clinging on to the past.

I should know better right? For all these years of clinging on, I should learn from it. And I'm mature enough to set my priorities. Unlike then, I was still a secondary school girl/ a poly freshmen who knows nothing. I'm still learning though, now.

As far as I know, I'm equals with my ex, like I've mentioned earlier, I've nothing against him. So, I won't understand if anyone were to be angry or were to hate me or something in pertaining to this. Idk, doesn't make sense to me.

But whatever it is, they think or have to say, it's their opinion afterall. It's difficult to please everyone as Mom always say. And, I don't feel the need to please people. Especially if they don't have much significance in my life.

I guess that's it?

Anyway, to all Muslims, here's a day in advance, (or maybe just a few hours) I hope you have a blissful, fruitful and ofcourse peaceful Ramadhan. InsyaAllah, may you be closer to Allah. I hope that would happen to me. :) Amin.