I came to realise he was never into me. Perhaps he was. But the most recent relationship I had with him, he wasn't into me. I've realised this some time ago but there's more to it now that I think about it.

All these years, I think I've made it easy for him. I was the one who was texting first whenever we fought or broke up. I was usually the first one telling him I miss him. I did most of the work.

Before the last relationship, I had sworn to myself that I wouldn't take him back. But what held me back was the fact that he told me to stay. All these years that I've known him, he had never told me to stay. Because I was the one who told him to stay. He actually somewhat fought for me that time, which made me thought that he's changed and perhaps maybe he was worth the try.

He told me that during the period that we never contacted, a year, he met other girls and nothing could compare to him. I believed him. But then, I realise something. Ofcourse those other girls weren't the same to me. I was the one who always gave in to him. I always searched for him, I gave so much to him. I always gave in. I made things easy for him, unlike those girls, probably.

But after awhile, after getting a hold of me, he knows I won't leave so he took granted of me. And eventually, he got bored of me.

After everything that has happened, all I know that he was never into me. He didn't make much effort, he didn't gave me what I deserved.

I don't know if all those things were lies or a facade. When I think about it, they possibly may be.

Until today, I sure am hurt. It just shows how much he meant to me. And what contributes to the pain is the fact that I know he meant the world to me but I never meant as much to him. And it hurts knowing that it's hurting me this bad, still, and that he's leading his life, like all those years, they never happened and they never mattered.

But it's okay. I'll be okay. All these, are trials of life. And it's what that will make me stronger.